In all honesty, we know nobody is perfect. Regardless of that, we are a bit hard on our parents. We expect them to be all perfect, all the time. But, it is human to make mistakes. However, as parents, you can improve once you learn some ways you unconsciously make your child unsafe.
Bear in mind, one thing that can completely ruin your child’s relationship is unpredictability and inconsistency. So, here are five ways that you may be making your child feel unsafe. It is best to avoid these to ensure that your child grows up feeling more secure and safe in their existence.
Overreacting
Children are always unpredictable. The actions they perform will have a consequence not only on them but also on you as a parent. It can make your life quite stressful. With this repetitive build-up of tension, you may end up overreacting at times. Sometimes, the anger and stress add up, and you may explode on your child. This volatility on your part can make the child feel unsafe around you.
A child quickly picks up what are the things that can bring upon an overreaction from your end. Consequently, they begin to hide things from you that have the potential to upset you. It impacts the relationship that you share with them. When the child starts feeling unsafe due to your overreaction, they maintain a filter in what they communicate to you. So, that freeness, which should be a core of every father-son or daughter relationship, is gone. Mark, an online calculus tutor and a father of two young kids, says that a lot of times his overreaction is an outcome of his stress and work issues, and not the child’s action. Thus, before you explode on your child, take a minute and ponder – Why are you upset? Are you upset because of what your child did, or is your own issue overpowering your state of mind?
Bottom Line – Keep your emotions in check, and do not let your emotions take the better of you. Before you react, take a deep breath, measure your response in your head, and then act.
Being inconsistent
As a parent, when you are consistent in your actions, reactions, and words, your child sees you as reliable and trustworthy. If a dad showcases inconsistency, the child feels there is nothing in the world he could rely on. Dads should always be consistent in their discipline, relationship, and boundaries, says Jack, who offers the best digital marketing courses and is a father of two little girls. As a father, the primary thing in your relationship with your child is consistency in word. Thus, if you say that you are going to do something, you need to follow through.
Bottom line: Even if what you say is insignificant and tiny, a child learns from you when you keep at your word. They trust you more and find your word reliable. So, the very act of keeping your word in the core is not small.
Having a tough and turbulent relationship with your partner
Relationships are hard to maintain. At times, the things between partners get too uncomfortable that it gets to the point of divorce. Regardless of whether you are together or separated, this should not change the relationship that you have with your child’s mother. It is okay for a husband-wife relationship not to work out. But as co-parents, you have no choice but to work out and be cordial with each other. Because when that relationship is strained, it will have a profound impact on your child.
See, when there are two parties involved, you and your ex-partner should do everything possible to maintain a friendly relationship. For couples who are married, too, please work on the relationship every day. Your child, regardless of how small they are, takes notice of everything. Hence, you need to love your partner and work on your marriage every day to set a good example. At times, it is good to be intentional and ensure that your child sees that you love and care for their mom. Talk to them, and tell them why you love their mom so much.
At times, the divorce is inevitable, but as co-parents, you should work together with the other person to ensure that your child’s world is as stable as it should be, points out Jacob, who offers online ‘do my homework for me‘ services.
Bottom Line – Maintaining a good relationship with your child’s mother ensures that your child feels secure.
Encouraging performance-based value
As a parent, you must ensure that your child does not feel that their value in your eyes is based on their academic performance. However, at times, parents tend to do some things or say certain things, making the child feel the exact opposite. It is one of the worst things to do to your child. Consequently, the child does not feel secure. A few things that parents unconsciously do is compliment a child’s achievements over who they are as a person. At times, parents even get crazy mad at a child if they fail in a particular subject or sports.
Bottom Line – Never make the child feel that they have to perform and outperform every day to have some value in your eyes. When a child feels that he is consistently competing to rise in your eyes, he always feels anxious and unsafe, says George, an associate who offers biology homework help and has raised three young kids by himself.
Over-criticizing
All kids seek their father’s approval. However, sometimes dad’s only comment is that their children can do better or need to learn more. Of course, dad sees this as a teachable opportunity, but the kids look at it as criticism. At times it gives the child a feeling that they are not good enough, making them lose faith in themselves.
Bottom Line – Do not leave any opportunity to praise your child whenever they do something well. You can subtly tell them when something they do is not up to the mark, but be very subtle in your choice of words.