We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
Are we sure this person is really an attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
Well, if I’m sitting here talking to you, what option is left?
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
Really stupid or a sarcastic genius?
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
A clever response, just not in a courtroom.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
This attorney just got owned.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
Do you not have a birthday every year? That’s sad.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
Cheap shot
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
Some witnesses have real guts, I must say.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
The Bearded Lady
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
There is a possibility it could have been a woman, just saying.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
You’re so insensitive.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
Do you have no compassion, you monster?
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
The Waking Dead
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
And if you did, I’d like your test re-checked for more accurate results.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
The One Way Stairs
LAWYER: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
WITNESS: Yes.
LAWYER: And these stairs, did they go up also?
No, once you were in the basement that was it for you.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
Accurate Autopsy Results
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
He didn’t put up a fight either way.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
IQ in Question
LAWYER: Sir, what is your IQ?
WITNESS: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
So, low. Very low.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
Family Dynamics
LAWYER: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
WITNESS: She is my daughter.
LAWYER: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?
No, I bought her a year later.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
Musical Cars
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LAWYER: Did you blow your horn or anything?
WITNESS: After the accident?
LAWYER: Before the accident.
WITNESS: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Man, I sure hope the jury giggled at that one.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
I escaped and made my way here.
LAWYER: What happened then?
WITNESS: He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.’
LAWYER: Did he kill you?
WITNESS: No.
Fortunately not. Hence why I’m speaking to you right now.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
Mind Games
LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Is this a trick question?
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
Keep the language simple in the courtroom.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Words with multiple meanings; it’s an honest mistake.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
That’s a subjective question, sir.
LAWYER: Were you alone or by yourself?
Are any of us really alone or by ourselves?
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
Solo Honeymoon
LAWYER: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?
WITNESS: I went to Europe, sir.
LAWYER: And you took your new wife?
No, I went alone. We already needed a break from each other.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
Trying to confuse the witness is a no no.
LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
OTHER LAWYER: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
If you read that and understood the question, props to you.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
I’d like to see your qualifications.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
I’ll like otherwise until I see the evidence.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
Honest Compliments
LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–
WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.
But, unfortunately that’s a no-can-do.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
Life Long Sentence
LAWYER: Have you lived in this town all your life?
WITNESS: Not yet.
But I’ll yet you know when I have.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
When unexpected complications arise.
LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
WITNESS: The victim lived.
I’m just as surprised as you, but that’s they way things go.
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
Under Oath and Dishing the Dirt
LAWYER: Are you married?
WITNESS: No, I’m divorced.
LAWYER: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
WITNESS: A lot of things I didn’t know about.
Hence the divorce, ya know?
We all know how serious courtrooms and the situations that lead you there are. Most people wouldn’t dream of stepping a foot out of line or saying something inappropriate while in a courtroom, but the following 25 exchanges that took place in courtrooms will show you that there are some people out there who don’t know when to put a sock in it.
The outfit is everything.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
You asked, they answered. I see no issue.